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Pleasing Others

Are you a people pleaser? Many of us have the urge to make those around us happy or at the very least avoid ruffling feathers. Keeping the peace in the workplace, at home, and among friends is appealing but can have unintended consequences.

People pleasing is a natural desire that lends itself to internal and external comfort. However, if the urge to keep the peace becomes your sole priority, you can slip into habitually putting others’ opinions and feelings above your own. Over time, you may begin to feel like a feather in the wind, blowing around based on the opinions of those who surround you. Soon it’s easy to feel unsure about what you stand for because you stand for nothing at all!

Fostering confidence in oneself does not necessitate being inconsiderate of others. Self-confidence means that there is a place at the table for you and your thoughts and opinions. It is impossible to please everyone at all times. Knowing where you stand assists in aligning you with others and enables you to build connections that are founded on genuine relationships. And while you and those around you may not always agree, you can begin to have confidence in connections that last.


Daphne Bastien, LMHC, received her master's degree in clinical mental health counseling with a specialization in trauma studies from Lesley University. She spent the past several years in an array of mental health settings including community mental health, middle schools and high schools, universities, and nonprofit. She has worked with a range of clients (from age five to age eighty) with a variety of needs, including depression, borderline personality disorder, dissociative identity, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and many other disorders.

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