The holiday season can be challenging. While it is often thought of as a time of joy, love and togetherness, for many it is a time of loneliness. Some people live far away from family or friends, others grieve the losses of loved ones and still others long for deeper relationships and closer connections that seem just out of reach. Here are just a few tips for dealing with these complicated emotions around the holidays:
Reconsider Expectations
We can all imagine it in our minds: the picture-perfect family in matching sweaters, laughing cheerily around a holiday table adorned with a decadent cornucopia and overflowing with sweet and savory delights delicately placed upon pristine serving platters. One of the reasons holidays can be so difficult is that our culture amplifies these unrealistic notions of togetherness. Consuming media around this time of year can instantly lead to demoralizing comparisons with others. Remembering that few people's lives measure up to these idealized images, and that social media is often deliberately curated to feel effortlessly flawless, can help buffer the loneliness derived from these comparisons. Identifying these automatic comparisons when they arise and turning attention back towards celebrating small wins or practicing gratitude in your own life can often be helpful.
You Are Not Alone
During the holidays it can be easy to imagine that you are the only person feeling lonely. The reality is that many are carrying a similar burden and that it is through this interconnectedness that we can develop a greater compassion for ourselves and our suffering. Recognizing that all humans experience pain and loneliness in life can help us avoid the trap of believing that things are always “supposed” to be different and that something has gone wrong when they aren’t. When we remember this reality, every moment of suffering can become a moment of connection. This truth can also help us examine and acknowledge our difficult feelings with less shame, guilt and self-criticism. Always remember to be gentle with yourself.
Connection
The realization that others may also be experiencing loneliness can help motivate us to reach out to those around us, even if it is just a friendly wave to a neighbor, a kind smile to a retail worker or writing a holiday card to a relative. It is harder to feel lonely when reaching out and even simple acts of connection can help lessen feelings of isolation. Similarly, giving to others and volunteering your time can help alleviate depression and loneliness. While loneliness draws attention inward, giving helps shift that attention outward by focusing on the joy and comfort you bring to others. Especially around this time of year there are plenty of opportunities in the Boston area and beyond for donating time.
Self-Care
Last, but certainly not least, is to make sure you are taking care of yourself and attending to your needs. Do an activity that will enhance your self-esteem or bring you joy: take a warm shower, cook a comforting meal, watch nostalgic movies, light a candle, dance, be creative, go for a walk, any and everything that might lift your spirits. Don’t shy away from treating yourself and don’t be afraid of being “unproductive.”
Cam Bauchner is currently working towards a master’s degree in social work from Boston College with a specialization in mental health. He has several years of experience providing mental health care for adults in a variety of settings including inpatient programs and community mental health centers.
While Cam is interested in working with all individuals, he is especially passionate about helping individuals struggling with OCD, anxiety and depression. Additionally, he has a background working with clients experiencing psychosis, mood disorders, and their family members, and is committed to supporting these populations across treatment settings.
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