They might happen on a yearly, weekly, or daily basis, but we all have traditions. They can create a shared sense of belonging, community and identity, linking us to both the past, present and future. They reflect values, history and beliefs, while also being a source of stability, predictability and comfort, offering a sense that even as the world changes, some things stay the same.
However, not all traditions might feel this way. Some traditions may feel like a scratchy sweater, but you keep doing them because “It’s tradition,” such as when it feels like drudgery, it has lost its significance and joy or the circumstances have changed. There might be traditions that feel less like a scratchy sweater, and more like a sweater with pins and needles still inside. Maybe they never felt right, stir painful memories and emotions or the way your family or community practices doesn't leave space for you in it. In such cases, it may be worth creating or adjusting your own traditions as everyone deserves to have spaces where they are seen and valued for who they are.
Reflect on Current Traditions
Think about the traditions you already have. Notice how your body responds and ask, “What does/doesn’t feel good about them?” You can keep the parts that you like about a tradition and leave behind the parts that don’t work for you.
Do More of What You Love
If overhauling a tradition feels overwhelming, you can start by expanding on the things that you already like doing. For example, if you like to rewatch a certain movie for the holidays, host a group and have everyone dress up as one of the movie characters!
Who’s Invited?
You have the power to decide who will be involved. It could be family, found-family, neighbors or just you. Think of who makes you feel safe, loved and respected. Choose those who you feel excited to share this experience with.
Identify Your Intentions
Think about what you want your tradition to be about. Is it about fun, connection or a particular value you hold dear? Reflect on what’s missing in your life or on what you wish you had growing up. Defining your intentions can help guide how the tradition will look and feel.
Trial, Error and Being Flexible
Don’t let perfectionism get in the way! There's no “authentic” way to honor a tradition, celebrate a holiday or cook a family recipe. Adjusting as you go is part of the process, not a failure or a betrayal. Culture is never static because the people who create it are not static. In this way, we are helping culture and tradition grow and evolve.
Check-In with Yourself
Be mindful of how this process might affect you. There can be strong emotions that come with starting a new tradition or reframing an old one, ranging from feelings of excitement and liberation to loneliness and grief. These are normal reactions and not things to push away, but accept and embrace, if possible.
As a personal example of what this could look like, my family celebrates a holiday called Hinamatsuri (also known as Girls’ Day) where we would display a set of dolls in the image of an imperial wedding, symbolizing good health and prosperity for the girl, traditionally conceptualized as having a good marriage. Despite feeling distant from the way it is practiced, especially considering Japan’s current lack of legal recognition of same-sex marriage, Hinamatsuri is still an important part of my Nisei (meaning “second-generation” or the child of Japanese immigrants) identity. Thus, I don’t set up the wedding doll display, but I make my own version using a diverse collection of dolls and figurines. Gifted from friends and family, each symbolizes a value or hope that aligns with what I want and who I want to be. This allows me to keep what I like about the tradition itself, while also being authentic to my own beliefs and values.
Traditions are a part of who we are, but we get to decide what that looks like for ourselves. By embracing flexibility and authenticity, we can create meaningful practices that bring us joy, connection, and a sense of belonging, honoring both the past and the present.
Sakura Matsuno holds a Bachelors in Psychology and is currently working towards her Masters of Social Work degree from Boston College. She has experience working in inpatient, residential and community settings with individuals struggling with anxiety, depression and OCD. Sakura has also interned at a skilled nursing facility, serving individuals with dementia and their families.
Sakura believes in a collaborative, client-centered approach in order to meet each individual's unique needs because everyone's journey in life, and in therapy, is unique to them. She aims to create a space where a person's story can be witnessed with compassion and dignity by honoring their personal experience and inherent wisdom.
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