Coping Your Way Through the Holidays

Holidays, while they can be an excellent excuse to celebrate during the darkest months of the year, can be complicated. However, whether it’s due to family dynamics, difficult anniversaries or dissatisfaction with current life situations (perhaps a combination of any/all of these), there are some ways to soften the more challenging parts of this time of year.

1. Accumulating positives. Plan at least one small, doable and pleasurable experience that you can engage with as mindfully as possible. Bonus points if you can also make time to notice some of the positives in your life that you genuinely feel gratitude for.

2. All things in moderation! Decrease emotional vulnerability by intentionally balancing things that can impact mood, such as alcohol/substance use, exercise, sleep, eating and all other factors related to physical health.

3. Distraction. This time of year is a great time to practice “contributing” as a meaningful distraction via volunteering or small acts of kindness.

4. Self-soothing. Gather some accessible items to provide soothing sensory experiences in moments of stress. This could include a music playlist, a pleasantly scented candle, a fidget, a comforting photo, a soothing tea, etc.

5. Baby, it’s cold outside! If you’re feeling particularly dysregulated, take advantage of the cold weather by stepping outside for a few minutes. Cold temperatures are typically very regulating to our nervous system, so you might as well reap the benefits of New England winters if you can.

6. Observe your emotions. No need to pretend that you’re 100% joyous if you’re not! Carve out some time to give space to some of the more challenging emotions in small, bite sized chunks of time. Even better if you have a trusted loved one to sit with you and provide additional validation.

7. Observe your thoughts. Identify unhelpful thinking patterns, such as catastrophizing, all-or-nothing or “should” thoughts and challenge them to the best of your abilities. If rumination is more of a go to for you, this is a great opportunity to practice letting go of these thoughts and redirecting your attention back to the here and now.

8. Interpersonal effectiveness. Lean into curiosity when communicating with loved ones. It can be especially helpful to identify what your goal is during any interaction, such as asking for help, setting a boundary, avoiding unnecessary conflict, sticking to your values, etc. For tricky political conversations, see  The ACLU's Holiday Conversation Guide for extra tips and tricks!

Hopefully, this list serves as a helpful starting point at least. Please note that the above strategies are from DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and that this is not, by any means, an exhaustive list. Either way, I wish you a safe and happy-enough holiday season from the bottom of my therapist heart.

-- Kim Johnson, LMHC, MT-BC

Want more DBT based ideas? Looking Glass offers 2 DBT Skills Training Groups - in person or online. Now enrolling for the next modules beginning in January. Check out our website for details. 

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Kim Johnson, LMHC, MT-BC, is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) and board certified music therapist (MT-BC) who graduated with her master’s from Lesley University in 2017. She has experience with adults and adolescents in group private practice and community mental health settings. The levels of care she has worked in are outpatient, with both individual and group therapy and in partial hospital programs for mental health and substance use disorders. Additionally, she has had intensive training in dialectical behavioral therapy and cognitive processing therapy for PTSD.

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