Oftentimes I find clients coming to therapy to develop and learn “coping skills” and it can be important to clarify what that is, what it could look like and how to use it effectively.
What is a coping skill? The national institute of health defines coping “as the thoughts and behaviors mobilized to manage internal and external stressful situations.[1] It is a term used distinctively for conscious and voluntary mobilization of acts, different from 'defense mechanisms' that are subconscious or unconscious adaptive responses, both of which aim to reduce or tolerate stress”
There are often many ways we categorize coping skills. Categorizing the skills helps us more easily pair a more effective skill to the situation. Having a coping skills list ahead of time with options can take the guessing work out when you are in a heightened state of distress. Creating this list can be a helpful exercise to make with a therapist. Having access whether it is a picture on your phone or a print out in your wallet for easy access at any time can be important to increase the likelihood that you will use it. The importance is to be mindful of balance with coping skills. These are temporary solutions and do not resolve the root of what is causing the distress. If not used in moderation, the skill can become less effective and even harmful.
Common types of Coping skills include:
Distraction: absorb your mind and/or body in something else
Examples: play a game/puzzle, listen to music, watch a show, call a friend/family member, clean, garden, do some arts and crafts.
Pros and Cons: The pros are that it gives your mind and body a break, and offers short term relief. However, the cons are that it shouldn’t be used as a long term solution and does not address the underlying issue. Depending on medications it can also be difficult to concentrate.
Grounding: aimed at getting you out of your mind and turns your awareness to the body and the world around you.
Examples: use your body and senses, smell something fragrant, cook something that engages all senses, body scan or try progressive muscle relaxation, drink something cold, walk in the grass barefoot, try the 5,4,3,2,1 exercise.
Pros and Cons: The pros are that it aims to slow down the mind and reduce dissociation. It can also help reduce the physicality of anxiety. The cons are that in some cases we are dissociating because our mind is trying to protect us and controversially, it can be okay to do so a little.
Self Love/ Self Compassion: show care for yourself
Examples: massage your hand with lotion, take care of physical needs, make your bed, allow yourself to rest, make/get a nourishing meal for yourself, take a self compassion break.
Pros and Cons: The pros of this are that you can become your own best friend and self reliant, it can be helpful in addressing guilt and shame. The cons are that it can be very hard to do and can feel superficial.
Thought Challenge: engage in thought based exercises if/when you are able to regulate your nervous system
Examples: use DBT Check the Facts, write down negative self-talk and re-write with more neutral statements, label your thoughts “an anxious thought has entered my mind,” engage in CBT or ACT exercises (ask your therapist if interested in learning more).
Pros and Cons: The pros are that with practice and time they can shift to long term changes in the mind and the logic can shift some of the extreme sensations of emotion. The cons are that the more emotion you feel, the harder this can be to access or feel authentic.
Emotional Release: Engage in an outward expression of emotion
Examples: scream into a pillow, cry it out, watch an emotional show/video (something funny, something sad, something scary) write it out, dance it out.
Pros and Cons: The pros are that this can be especially helpful for anger and fear and releases the pressure of built up emotion. The cons are that it can be hard to access in every situation.
Accessing your higher self: Engage in community or spirituality
Examples: help someone else, pray, meditate, engage in random acts of kindness, smile at others, join a cause in alignment with your values
Pros and Cons: The pros are that everyone has value and that purpose can be found in small and large things. The cons are that this can become a distraction and avoidance, we can also become absorbed in helping others that we burnout.
Another way to break it down would be looking at it in the following categories: physical (movement, food, water, rest etc), emotional (similar to emotional release), social needs (Do I need to talk to a friend? Get a hug? Play with a pet?), mindfulness/spiritual needs (Is religion something helpful for me? Is meditation or mindfulness useful in these moments?) and crisis intervention (Do I need to use grounding or TIPP skill or a crisis hotline?).
However you choose to categorize options, I hope you consider making your own list or adding new ideas to a list already in the works today!
This month Looking Glass Counseling is proud to support The Reliant Foundation. The Reliant Foundation is a community health-focused independent public charity not affiliated with any health care facility or medical group. Their mission is to improve the health and well-being of individuals of all ages in the Central and MetroWest regions of Massachusetts.
Vera Bednar, LMHC, C-DBT, RYT-200 is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC), a registered yoga teacher (RYT-200) and certified in dialectical behavioral therapy (C-DBT). A Lesley University graduate, Vera earned a bachelor's in counseling and art therapy and a master's in clinical mental health counseling with a specialization in trauma.
Prior to joining Looking Glass Counseling, Vera worked in a wide variety of clinical settings including inpatient, residential, intensive outpatient and an assisted living center with an art therapy focus. She also worked in partial hospitalization programs specializing in trauma, LGBTQIA+ individuals and young adult transitions as well as substance use.
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