Día de Muertos: A Dialectical Relationship to Death & Grief

Día de Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is an annual, two day holiday observed on November 1st and 2nd in Mexico and throughout Latin America to celebrate and reunite the living with the dead. Though traditions vary by country, celebrations include the use of ofrendas (or “offering” altars) decorated with marigold flowers and photos of loved ones who have passed, enjoying favorite foods and drinks, bright colors and smiling calaveras (or sugar skulls). While we must be mindful to avoid appropriation, there is so much to gain from learning about how these cultures relate to death and grief.

What makes Día de Muertos especially profound is that it doesn’t simply substitute somber mourning for lively celebration. The juxtaposition of the two is wholeheartedly embraced in a way that normalizes and allows participants to engage with grief experiences fluidly. By holding this dialectic, it provides a foundation to develop a much healthier relationship with death and dying, which is not only helpful for the living but also for supporting those at end of life. 

Another beautiful philosophy accompanying this holiday is the belief that, “our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them.” What I really appreciate about this is that, even though death is inevitable, the thing we do have agency over is how we choose to engage with it. While all physical bodies have expiration dates, memories and appreciation of those who have passed is very much a choice to be made by the living.

Want to learn more about Día de Muertos? Please check out this website. And! In service of avoiding cultural appropriation, here is a great article to reference.

I hope that learning about this cultural perspective offers additional options and empowerment, regardless of what your current relationship to death and/or grief might be. It might also be helpful to remember that grief exists only because love was there first.

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Kim Johnson, LMHC, MT-BC, is a licensed mental health counselor (LMHC) and board certified music therapist (MT-BC) who graduated with her master’s from Lesley University in 2017. She has experience with adults and adolescents in group private practice and community mental health settings. The levels of care she has worked in are outpatient, with both individual and group therapy and in partial hospital programs for mental health and substance use disorders. Additionally, she has had intensive training in dialectical behavioral therapy and cognitive processing therapy for PTSD.

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