Challenging Inconsistency

Facing the barriers of being consistent in your life head on! In navigating everyday successes both large and small, I believe consistency can be a valuable asset to growing in every domain in your life. In 2020 I wrote about traits that can be a guidepost in being consistent. 

However, a consideration in navigating fostering a lifestyle that is grounded in consistency is facing the challenges that create daily impediments. Let’s look at a few of them here and how we can face them head-on with the help of a trusted support or mental health provider:

• Future Discounting: According to the National Library of Medicine at the NIH, our brains often prioritize immediate rewards over long-term benefits. This impulse can serve us, but it can also invariably lead to challenges in creating habits and routines that can serve us in the long run. When dangled with the short term reward versus the long term goal, remember to exercise honesty in your wants/needs, self-compassion to choose the most approachable choice and groundedness to choose a skill that reduces the gratification of the immediate want.

  
  

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: A nod to CBT, this kind of thinking believes that missing one day means failing which can lead to the total abandonment of an intent you are setting to be consistent in your life. Whether it’s a reading plan, an exercise routine or a kindness practice, the pitfall of inflexibility to make room for various levels of success can lead to long term inability to create meaningful rhythms in your life. When I am tricked by this kind of thinking, I make time to talk to my support system about how to be more flexible with myself. That could mean making the goal more achievable over a longer timeframe, granting myself patience by reminding myself I’m doing the best I can with the skills available, or recognizing a relapse in my expectations and starting the timer over remembering that growth takes time.

  
  

• Emotional Exhaustion: Individuals can become emotionally or physically exhausted, the path to wellness can be stifled or clogged. When we become inconsistent, remember to take stock with what rest looks like for yourself. If your exhaustion leads to social fatigue, consider either skipping the event, shortening the length of how long you’re at the planned activity or clue in a friend/attendee about your situation for support. At the times we are emotionally depleted, exercise self-compassion by reminding yourself that you’re human and have limitations.

  
  

• Negative Self-Talk: For many people, there is a voice that exudes a lack of self-belief or harsh self-judgment when falling behind. Some quick tips for this kind of dialogue includes challenging the statement to see how true it objectively is. Negative self-talk speaks in generalizations and easily overlooks the truth of a circumstance. When overwhelmed, exaggeration is an easy way to get our attention to do things and the negative self-talk facet of ourselves will go to extremes to take care of ourselves - even to a detriment.

This month Looking Glass Counseling is pleased to support the North Shore Alliance of LGBTQ+ Youth (NAGLY). NAGLY is a place where youth can discuss issues of importance to them, explore their identities, build self-awareness, and learn skills for being safe and healthy. Through support and education, young people at NAGLY are empowered to be themselves without shame, violence, discrimination, or misunderstanding. NAGLY is run by both peer leaders and adult advisors. Both are mandated reporters and are trained to make referrals to outside resources. Free mental health counseling is available to any youth and parents who participate in NAGLY’s free offerings.

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Lou Lim, LMHC, REAT is a licensed mental health counselor and registered expressive arts therapist (REAT) with a master's degree in Expressive Therapy and Mental Health Counseling from Lesley University. He is a member of the International Expressive Arts Therapy Association and on the committee for REAT credentialing. He has 13 years of experience in counseling and expressive therapy working with children, adolescents, teenagers, adults, and retirees.

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