Finding Whimsy Together

Sometimes in relationships, we can get busy taking care of things, managing responsibilities, navigating logistics and responding quickly to what life brings. And over time, things can start to feel a little heavy, a little distant or just slightly off. The connection may still be there, but it can feel harder to access. A lot of energy might be dedicated to keeping things moving and there is less room to actually experience each other.

Finding a way back to that feeling of connection can feel daunting.

Recently, a friend shared that they missed that feeling of “whimsy” in their relationship. They missed that sense of lightness that felt easier to access when there were fewer pressures and responsibilities, of being able to be spontaneous, curious and perhaps a little more themselves. And it stayed with me, because it seemed often what we call whimsical is not just about personality, but about access to curiosity, to play and to a connection to our deepest, unabandoned selves. It struck me that whimsy seemed to be embedded in creative play. 

When so much energy is going toward managing, anticipating and holding things together, creative play can start to feel like something frivolous or unimportant, silly even. And yet, shared play and novelty are part of how connection grows and stays alive over time. 

Research shows that couples who engage in new or playful experiences together often feel more connected and satisfied in their relationship (Aron et al., 2000).

Creative play in a relationship is not about planning something elaborate or doing something “right.” It is about expression. About letting something emerge between you without needing to organize it, solve anything or explain it. It can be small. It can be brief. It can even feel a little awkward at first. Creative play does not need to be earned in a relationship. It does not require the perfect timing or everything else being handled first. There is nothing to fix in these moments and no outcome to reach. Just something to step into, together.

Developmental and relational theory has long suggested that play is where people feel most real, where a sense of authenticity and aliveness can be experienced with another person (“Playing and Reality” D.W. Winnicott, 1971).

Creative play offers a way to explore and express without needing to organize, analyze or explain. It can open up a different kind of connection, one that feels a little more alive, a little more shared and a little less effortful.

An Invitation to Try This

When things feel a little heavy, or just slightly off or stuck between you, it can help to notice the pull to figure things out and “fix” right away and gently allow for something different alongside it and maybe shift the moment, even slightly.

Small ways to return to whimsy through creative play together:

• Put on music and let your bodies move, even for a minute, even if it feels a little awkward or silly

• Cook something together using whatever is already in the house and let it be imperfect

• Share something small that made you laugh during the day

• Guess something about each other’s day and see how close you get

• Take a short walk together and really notice and share the things you see around you

• Bring out a board game or puzzle without needing to finish it

• Doodle something together on the same sheet of paper together

• Try something new together, even if it is small, a different route, a different spot, a small change in routine

• Send each other something small and unexpected during the day, a voice note, a random photo, a line of a song. Not for a purpose, just to create a moment of shared attention.

The point is not to create a specific feeling. It is to make a little more space for something to shift between you.

An Invitation to Make It Your Own

Every relationship has its own rhythm. There are times when connection feels easy and times when it feels further away. That movement is part of being in a relationship. What matters is noticing what brings even a small sense of aliveness or ease between you.

Reflection questions:

• When have you felt most like yourselves together?

• What small moments of play, curiosity, or shared experience feel worth returning to now?

• What new creative moment do you feel you could try out in your relationship?

Sometimes connection becomes harder to access. What can help it return is not necessarily more effort, but something a little softer, a little less structured, a little more like play.

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Lace Campbell, Therapy Intern is a second-year Clinical Mental Health Counseling student at William James College, specializing in Couples and Family Therapy. She is especially passionate about working with couples, parents and individuals from non-traditional family systems, as well as those navigating racial, sexual and gender identity development. Her approach is trauma-informed, culturally responsive and attuned to the intersectional identities clients bring into the room.

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