Counseling Across Difference

Starting therapy often means sharing parts of yourself that feel personal or vulnerable. When your counselor holds different identities or life experiences than you do, this can add another layer to the process. You may notice yourself wondering whether you will feel understood, emotionally safe or able to fully relax into the space.

Difference is always in the room

There is nothing wrong with noticing this. Identity, power and lived experience are always present in therapy whether they are spoken about directly or not. Sometimes these differences may feel deeply important. Other times they may not feel central at all. Both experiences are valid. What matters is that therapy allows room for your experience to unfold naturally rather than forcing you to decide what “should” matter.

Research on cultural humility shows that feeling supported in therapy is less about finding a counselor with identical experiences and more about whether the counselor shows up with openness, curiosity and responsiveness. Feeling listened to, respected and taken seriously is one of the strongest predictors of positive therapy outcomes.

You are also not responsible for educating or defending your identity in therapy. A supportive counselor continues their own learning, reflects on power and impact and remains open to feedback without becoming defensive.

How to notice when identity differences may want attention

Sometimes identity differences may want attention if you notice tension in your body, hesitation, overthinking your words or uncertainty about whether an important part of your experience is fully understood. These reactions are not problems. They are information.

For some people, being respected and cared for across differences can itself become part of healing. For others, working with someone who shares important aspects of identity feels safer and more supportive. Both are valid. Therapy is meant to support your sense of safety, not challenge it unnecessarily.

An Invitation to Try This

If you notice yourself feeling cautious, guarded or uncertain in therapy, try gently checking in with yourself rather than pushing the feeling away.

You might try noticing:

“What feels hard to say right now?”

“Do I feel emotionally settled or careful in this moment?”

“Is there a part of me wondering whether I will be understood?”

An Invitation to Make It Your Own

There is no single “right” way to navigate identity or difference in therapy. Some people want these conversations to be direct and central. Others prefer to focus elsewhere unless something important arises. Your needs are allowed to shift over time.

If it feels supportive, you might:

• Pause and notice sensations in your body before responding

• Take a slow breath and notice your feet on the floor

• Write down thoughts or concerns before session

• Notice whether your body feels more open or more tense when certain topics come up

Sometimes simply noticing your experience with compassion can help create more clarity about what you need.

Reflection questions:What helps you feel emotionally safe enough to open up to someone?Have there been moments where you felt deeply understood or misunderstood by others? What stands out about those experiences?If difference feels important in therapy, what would help you feel more supported talking about it?

This month Looking Glass Counseling is proud to support Asian American Women’s Political Initiative (AAWPI) is the country’s only political leadership organization for Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) women. AAWPI works to ensure that AAPI women have a voice in our democracy.

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Lace Campbell, MA, Therapist/Couples Therapy Fellow is a graduate of the Clinical Mental Health Counseling program at William James College, specializing in Couples and Family Therapy. She is especially passionate about working with couples, parents and individuals from non-traditional family systems, as well as those navigating racial, sexual and gender identity development. Her approach is trauma-informed, culturally responsive and attuned to the intersectional identities clients bring into the room.

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