Mental Health at the Movies: “If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You”

Lights! Camera! Action! Welcome to your Monday Mental Health Moment at the movies, a series discussing the intersection of psychology and cinema. Some spoilers ahead…

Nobody talks about the dark side of motherhood, but in Mary Bronstein’s new film, the horrors of postpartum are on full display. The film follows Linda, a full-time therapist trying to support her daughter’s mysterious illness while she herself is in a downward spiral. Sleep deprivation, overstimulation and continuous caregiving with no support all combine to make Linda’s waking hours a nightmare. 

The character could be diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD) and she wouldn’t be alone. Studies indicate that 80% of women experience “emotional disturbances” in immediate postpartum, but around 13-20% suffer from PPD long-term. Of course, many cases go undiagnosed and unreported due to stigma, but sadly PPD has been increasing over the last decade. “If I Had Legs, I’d Kick You” places the film’s audience directly in the shoes of someone potentially suffering from PPD. Snippets of Linda’s dialogue highlight various symptoms and risk factors:

• “I try very hard to be in control of her and everything but uh…I may as well not be there at all." PPD can involve intense feelings of inadequacy, hopelessness, suicidal ideation and loss of interest in family. It can also involve guilt, despair, increased crying, lack of energy, feeling anxious, jumpy, irritable or angry, sleeping too much or not enough (especially with a newborn), eating too much or not enough, headaches, chest pains or other aches and pains and being afraid of hurting oneself or the infant. 

  
  

• “I’m one of those people who's not supposed to be a mom.” Some people’s bonding with their child is affected by PPD, exacerbating their symptoms. Some people, even without PPD, experience grief for their child-free life and sometimes regret having a child. Self-judgment and feeling alone can accompany this experience, but in reality many parents experience a range of regret and grief in their transformation. Parenting is not an innate gift, it’s a skill to be learned and practiced, ever evolving to respond to the child’s development and individuality. This is an exhausting endeavor, but it is possible to hold two truths that it is possible to love your child while still feeling, at times that parenting is a nightmare.

  
  

• “The problem with that logic is I’m not a housewife - I work too.” Linda spends good portions of the film negotiating the care of her daughter with her absent, irate husband over the phone - coincidentally, one notable risk factor for developing PPD is lack of support and/or issues with the co-parent of the child. Sometimes even loving partners don’t know where to start with supporting a mom with PPD. Other risk factors include: a personal or family history of depression, substance use, depression during pregnancy, stressful life events around pregnancy (including losses, poverty and body image concerns) and cultural emphasis on individualism vs. mutual aid. 

• “It isn’t supposed to be like this!”  And Linda is right. Children are meant to be raised by the support of a multidimensional village! Moms were never supposed to do this alone. Some people find having a postpartum plan can help delegate the various weights moms are expected to carry. Setting up a mealtrain or a Visiting Moms volunteer could help lighten the mental load too. Postpartum Support International is an online nonprofit that offers daily, free, drop-in support groups for PPD and other perinatal mental health difficulties. They also offer a Mom Mentorship matching with someone who has shared experiences. Additional movies that affirm PPD narratives include: Tully, Another Happy Day, Babes, and Night Bitch (adapted from the novel). Books like Too Tired to Fight, Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood and The Good Mother Myth: Unlearning Our Bad Ideas About How to Be a Good Mom get honest about motherhood and break down the stigma. 

  
  

When it comes to PPD, seeking social support from people who won’t judge you is key. Find at least one person who you can drop the mask around and allow them to see your pain. It’s not your job to fix it all, it’s just your job to be human.

This month Looking Glass Counseling is pleased to support the Unafraid Scholarship - Somerville (also known as the Somerville Dreamers scholarship program) through Massachusetts Immigrant and Refugee Advocacy Coalition (MIRA). Inspired by the Unafraid Scholarship, which has opened up educational opportunities to undocumented students graduating from the Boston Public Schools, teachers, advocates and community leaders in Somerville teamed up with MIRA in 2019 to establish the Somerville Dreamers Scholarship. MIRA’s goal is to not only advocate for the rights and integration of those immigrants, but also build a diverse, member-driven coalition to advance the interests of all foreign-born people. MIRA is committed to serving as a strong, unifying force, connecting immigrants and refugees, service providers and a wide array of allies to fight together for a just and inclusive society.

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Hillary Brown, LICSW is an adaptive and playful therapist interested in helping her clients improve their interpersonal relationships as well as their relationship with themself. Hillary is unapologetically fat-friendly, LGBTQ+ affirming, and committed to noticing the systemic stressors of our world that can exacerbate mental health symptoms. Together with her client, Hillary detects what changes can be made within them and around them, while fostering resiliency and hope during times of disempowerment in oppression. Hillary believes that priorities do not have to be competing with one another and instead can find a harmonious balance through boundaries, awareness-building and self-compassion.

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