Stages of Grief

Let’s take a few minutes to go back to the fundamentals of grief and loss! Over the years, Looking Glass Counseling has talked about grief and loss in a variety of ways. For this edition of Monday Mental Health Moment (MMHM), we will look at the stages of grief. For some additional information on how to cope with loss, check out a post I wrote in 2023. Once you have read that post, come back to this paragraph. 

As we sit with the notion of loss, what are the stages of grief? Commonly we look at the 1969 edition of the 5 stages developed by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Before I step into this topic, a few notes that I remind readers that I tell clients before I review the stages:

1. the stages are not sequential - they have the ability to go in any order

2. the stages can repeat due to how certain events can activate a given stage time and time again

3. everyone experiences these stages differently such as skipping a stage or not experiencing a stage in the cycle of bereavement at all

In reviewing the stages, I’ve also been curious about the 7 stages of grief produced by David Kressler that expand on Kubler-Ross’ work. As a result, I will review the 5 stages of grief while integrating Kressler’s work:

• Denial: The non-readiness to accept loss due to disbelief found in shock, overwhelm or disconnect where there is an unwillingness to accept the loss experienced

• Anger: The strong felt emotion of rage or pain via directing frustration or stress towards the person who died (or doctors, family members, friends or religious entities associated with a higher power) as a means to not feel shock, denial or sadness

• Bargaining: When someone bereaved begins to offer internal or external negotiating of the loss as a means to “take away the pain” as potential means to assuage one’s felt sense of guilt over a part of the loss. This can also manifest as testing supports/relationships or self as a means of dealing with loss.

• Depression: The stage when a person may experience feelings of emptiness and intense sadness that could manifest into withdrawing from daily activities and things they once enjoyed.

• Acceptance: The time when a person can hold the idea that the loss is their new reality consisting of the bereaved reorganizing roles and forming new relationships.

As a puzzle has many pieces to make a complete picture, so does our experience of mental health - especially in the domain of grief and loss. I suggest sharing this with your therapist or support person and continue the conversation, hoping this guide can be a helpful tool in your mental health wellness!

Last month Looking Glass Counseling proudly supported the Alliance for People of Color,a program within Postpartum Support International (psi) whose mission is to increase the capacity of perinatal professionals to better support individuals, families, and communities of color around perinatal mood disorders. They do this in part by increasing the number of Black, Indigenous, and providers of Color within the perinatal mental health space.

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Lou Lim, LMHC, REAT is a licensed mental health counselor and registered expressive arts therapist (REAT) with a master's degree in Expressive Therapy and Mental Health Counseling from Lesley University. He is a member of the International Expressive Arts Therapy Association and on the committee for REAT credentialing. He has 13 years of experience in counseling and expressive therapy working with children, adolescents, teenagers, adults, and retirees.

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